Sibling loss to homicide carries a stigma that other types of grief do not. When someone loses a sibling to murder, an unspoken judgment follows — people assume the victim must have done something wrong. Society tells itself that “good” people don’t get murdered.
The Questions That Compound Sibling Loss to Homicide
This isn’t exactly the truth, yet every time I say my brother died by murder, people begin to ask questions like, “What did he do to make someone want to kill him?” Or they assume drugs played a role. The questions compound the grief.
Defending a Sibling’s Memory After Homicide
When someone asks how my brother died and I say he died by murder, I have to quickly explain that he was an innocent victim who tried to help people escape the building. Tory died at work — the place most of us consider safe. He stood in the office when the shooter entered. He got outside to safety, then realized others remained inside. So he went back in to help them. That final act of courage cost him his life. The shooter zeroed in on him.
The stigma of sibling loss to homicide is real. Too many people assume there is more to the story. I hear it from others. I know what they think. And for those of us left behind, we carry not just the grief — we also carry the weight of defending our sibling’s memory.
If you navigate grief after losing a sibling to homicide or any other cause, you do not have to do it alone. You can also find additional support through organizations like Parents of Murdered Children, which also serves siblings and other family members.